Access Denier
Are you worried about what people might find on your USB if it is lost or stolen? Then look no further than this neat little gadget that has military style encryption and even allows you to set a pin number so you and you alone can access the contents of the drive. Perfect for those porno peepers who do not wish to be discovered by spouse or if you are writing that oh so secret diary that no one, but no one can see. That is, of course, until you publish it on your blog so the world, its wife, the sheep and the water melons can read your innermost thoughts about their various uses.
The Love Hippo
Some think the Noble hippopotamus, a somewhat pointless rhinoceros - or at least that was the observation of the poet Winstanley. Hippos have had a bad press of late, what with squishing lots of American tourists, similar in girth and weight to themselves. Is there such a thing as hippo envy one wonders? Whatever the case, this hippo could find herself described in the same way the British rather pompously inscribed their one pound coin. Decus Et Tutamen is the phrase, which means decorative and useful. One for lovers of cute rather than the aesthetes of our little blue planet, I would imagine.
What came first, the chicken or the USB?
A rather frightening addition to the host of strange and peculiar USBs available, this peculiar piece of hardware should neither be confused with the Firefox extension of the same name or the game which is taking the domino world by storm at the moment (I kid thee not, there is a domino world and there is a game called chickenfoot). There is an ancient superstition that if you eat a chicken foot you will become handsome, so perhaps this could be your choice of gift to the geek with the lank hair and the spots who works in your IT department. You know the one. Yes, him.
Doggy biscuit bones
Your tastes may veer more towards the canine so these may be the perfect USB for dog lovers everywhere - and I choose my words carefully. Shakespeare once exhorted us to “Fill all thy bones with aches” and so this may be a great flash drive if you want to catalogue your daily miseries. Or plot, perhaps, your revenge on those who have offended. After all, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go and sit in a corner and cry for hours. One advantage of these items is that the lid flips over and stays attached meaning that you can never lose the top of your USB, unlike your heart.
Boy racer heaven
Perhaps you are a secret boy racer and have in your fantasies dreamed about zooming, fifties style, around the water systems of some American city while your girl cheers you on to victory against that nasty type with the leather jacket. This model then, may be for you. I have never been sure about the combination of cars and the fairer sex. After all, Albert Einstein once said “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” As possibly the cleverest guy on the planet ever, his words must be taken in to account - at least a little.
Swarovski - AT Your Own Risk
Any gentlemen reading this may find it a hoot to give the above Swarovski crystal USB to the lady of the moment. However, give it a thought or two before you do - receiving this as a gift may increase the expectations of the lady in question to an unfathomable height (if that isn't an oxymoron). She may well see it as a precursor of the real thing. Remember the immortal words of the sixteenth century English poet, Donne, upon his wife and his marriage: “John Donne, Anne Donne, Undonne.” Cynicism aside, if your lady veers on the right side of sanity, this may amuse and entertain her for a while, but buyer beware!
One for the Lecter in all of us
This would look rather pleasingly gruesome sticking out of the side of your laptop or PC, so those of a slightly queasy nature may not appreciate the biological humor involved. Neil Armstrong said in an interview that while standing on the moon (conspiracy theorists, give me a second here) he was able to blot out the earth with his thumb. What he should have said was his thumb, safely encased inside a bulky space suit because the consequences may have been serious otherwise (and in space, no one can hear you scream out expletives as a vacuum renders you quickly speechless - the original byline for the film Alien incidentally, considered too long, much like this sentence).
