I'm split on how i feel about this world; part of me wants to ingor it's existence and the possibility and i could ever truley be me how i am without him and the other part of me looks forward to getting rid of this ache of maybe- knowing still that the only way to rid myself of the ache of maybe is to let it be replaced with the ache of no.

My head and heart are in full disagreement this time, more than they have ever been- my heart begs my head to think of another way and my head tells my heart to give up and let go, to wave the white flag in surrender and walk away befor it gets worse.

I know the path to this world, the world without him, i've walked it before- to forget with each step, to beguin the task of unmemorizing all those little things i love so much to know. to leave behind me the way he looks at me when we're together, the tone in his voice when he's excited about something, the silly way he holds out the last note of line when he sings, to forget that i love him- and all the reasons why.